Stranger, can you do simple math?
I will on occasion (read like all the fucking time much to the annoyance of my family) will interact with strangers. I walked into a restaurant last Wednesday before Max and I saw a concert and I asked for a table by saying, “There are two of us and we’re totally willing to sit with strangers.” The host lady (is it PC to say hostess anymore? maybe seater lady? dunno) responded, “That should be our name “Sit with Strangers”, but not tonight we’ve got a table for you.” Still, an older couple was getting up and complimenting the food and so I asked her for a tour of the menu from her point of view. Max took it well. Normally he would be mortified, but he talked with her and answered her questions about him and his birthday. She went over her choices and while we didn’t take her advice on what to order we enjoyed the conversation while she was waiting for her husband. I enjoy these interactions and I hope that it gave the lady a story to tell.
Fast forward to 5 Guys burgers yesterday. Sam and I talking about my soda choice when dude says to us something I couldn’t understand. It was about Massachusetts or something. No idea. OK fine, stranger, you want to interact you hit the fucking jackpot. We began to talk. Seems he was really drunk at 12:15pm at the 5 guys. He didn’t have to tell us this fact. Let me remind you, I didn’t start this one. He was telling us not to order the fries because they are too large unless you have four people. True. He kept his proper distance so everything was fine except for the smell (he exuded alcohol from his whole person) and the slurring. He told us about how much money he had just won at the casino. BlackJack if you can simple math is so easy. He won thousands. I’m pretty sure he paid for his burger with wadded up bills, but whatever, maybe he keeps it in an offshore account in the Caymans. What do I know? He asked Sam if she could do simple math and I thought our time interacting had run it’s course. He was about to explain his “system” to us. I didn’t ask him to back off. I didn’t physically intercede. This was way too easy to deal with.
“Oh I think they just called 47!”
I lied. I don’t normally lie, even to strangers, but this was a special circumstance. I viewed it was the best way to get him to move on. He immediately turned and headed off to get his burger which wasn’t actually ready. Hey, he was the one drunk at 12:15 on a weekday at a burger place.
I was going to watch and see if he got into a car, but I actually lost track of him in the crowd. (I said it was 12:15 at 5 guys.) He did say he lived really close by, so I hope he didn’t drive.
I have a system.
